Using “Giraffe Language” to Help Children Manage Emotions
Nowadays, both adults and children experience different degrees of stress that can be overwhelming. While adults may know how to relieve stress, children often struggle to recognise and control their emotions. Recently, there have been reports online of children losing control of their emotions and shouting in public. How should parents handle their children’s overwhelming stress?
Listen to your children’s source of stress patiently
If a child is having an emotional outburst, parents can calm them down by teaching them how to take deep breaths and listen to their feelings closely. Parents should seek to understand the sources of their children’s stress and pay attention to their emotions. In Hong Kong, schoolchildren face heavy academic pressure from school, tutoring, and extracurricular activities, leading to packed schedules. March is particularly stressful since it is exam season. Besides, high expectations from parents can double their stress. Building friendships and managing interpersonal relationships are significant challenges for children while they grow up. In navigating communication and interactions with classmates, they may encounter difficulties that can affect their mental health. Once they understand the situation, parents can guide their children to help them process their emotions.
The Giraffe Language – guiding children through the emotional forest
The Giraffe language is a type of non-violent communication. The giraffe, having the largest heart of all land animals, symbolises a broad-mindedness and a willingness to listen and be accommodating. Just like a giraffe, this approach encourages a higher perspective to help one emerge from the emotional forest. It emphasises respect, inclusion, and understanding, avoiding aggression, criticism, or blame. The goal is to create a warm, harmonious communication environment where people can better understand each other’s needs and feelings and reach a consensus.
There are typically three steps to the Giraffe Language:
- “Look around”: Describe the Situation you observed
Describe the objective facts of the situation without imposing personal interpretations. Parents can encourage their children to describe what happened, what they saw, and observe the surrounding circumstances.
- “Have a think”: Express Feelings about the Situation
Share one’s feelings about the situation without assuming others’ intentions. Reflect on personal feelings regarding what has been observed.
- “Talk it through”: Reaching a Consensus through Communication
Express personal needs regarding the situation instead of demanding specific actions or changes in others’ viewpoints. Communicate to resolve issues and reach a consensus, such as discussing how to handle the observed situation.
These three steps allow more effective, respectful, and constructive communication, enhancing interpersonal relationships and problem-solving. Through this process, we can better understand our surroundings and each other’s feelings, making problem-solving more efficient.
Parents’ Mental Health Matters Too
Parents can teach their children to recognise different emotions, understanding that emotions are neutral, thereby helping them manage their feelings. During parent-child time, parents can use “giraffe cards” with different words related to emotions written on them to help children express their feelings while carefully listening to their descriptions and brainstorming solutions together. They can also encourage children to express their feelings with words rather than crying. When emotions escalate, parents can practice deep breathing with their children until everyone has calmed down before engaging in conversation.
In fact, parents’ mental health is also important. Considering daily interactions between parents and children, parents’ emotions can have a significant impact on their children. Parents should demonstrate effective emotional management in front of their children. Save the Children Hong Kong’s “Heart-Centered Education” program provides positive discipline and stress management techniques for parents and caregivers, helping them care for themselves while better understanding their children’s needs and feelings.